20 Oct 10 Tips for Talking to Kids About Bullying
A 2019 report published by the National Center for Education Statistics states that 20 percent of students ages 12-18 said they have been bullied. Bullying, which can take place in person or online, can have damaging effects on children, including lowered self-esteem, poor performance at school, anxiety, and depression. In addition to affecting mental health, it can even lead to violence.
Why Is Talking About Bullying Important?
Bullying is different from isolated teasing or fighting. âBullying is a pattern of behavior, rather than a single incident,â says Amanda Owens, a program director at Methodist Family Health. âIt can take place through hurtful words, intimidation and threats, physical assaults, or excluding a person from a group. The key characteristic is that these behaviors happen repeatedly.â
Being bullied can change everyday activities, like walking between classes or eating lunch in the cafeteria, into traumatic experiences. Children may be made fun of, insulted, pushed, tripped, spit on, excluded from activities, or made the subject of rumors.
Sometimes, children feel like bullying is their fault, or they think that adults wonât believe them or will be angry if they find out. âKids might feel ashamed or think that their parents will be disappointed in them,â says Owens. âSo, itâs important for adults to be receptive to children who speak up, or to start the conversation themselves. Even if bullying isnât an issue right now, talking about it can help to prepare them if it does happen.â
Talking with kids about bullying lets them know that that bullying is serious. It also lets them know that they can come to an adult for help.
10 Tips for Talking to Kids about Bullying
1. Talk Openly
Regularly ask your child about their day at school, with friends and online, so they are comfortable telling you what is going on in their lives. Find out about their feelings as well as their activities and help them understand what appropriate behavior is in each situation.
2. Explain What Bullying Is
Describe the signs of bullying so that your child will know when itâs happening to them or to someone else. Also explain how to treat others with respect and empathy.
3. Talk About Emotions
âNormalize talking about emotions, social relationships. and behaviors with your child,â Owens recommends. Help them to identify and understand what they are feeing, particularly as related to conflict.
4. Listen
If a child tells you they have been bullied, let them know you believe them and that it is not their fault. âSupport your child,â Owens advises. âBuild up their self-esteem while others are trying to tear it down.â Tell your child that you will decide what to do together. Assure them you are there for them.
5. Establish Household Rules
Let your child know that itâs not acceptable be bullied, to be a bully, or even to witness bullying and not say anything. Let them know how you expect them to behave and what action to take.
6. Understand the Situation
If you find out that your child was involved in bullying, tell your child you want to hear their side of the story. âListen to learn, not to judge or reprimandâ suggests Owens. Ask your child to explain what happened. Discuss appropriate responses and solutions to different situations.
7. Share a Personal Experience
Share a story from your own childhood. Describe how you handled a situation when other kids were mean to you, or when you witnessed kids being hurtful to someone else.
8. Talk About Cyberbullying
Explain to your child that cyberbullying includes sending mean or threatening messages, pretending to be someone else, or posting hurtful information online. Tell them to let an adult know instead of replying. Remind them that if they wouldnât say it to someoneâs face or wouldnât want their parents to see it, donât post it.
10. Remember the Golden Rule
Talk to your child about why they shouldnât be a bully in response to a bully. âOften, bullies are a product of their environment,â Owens explains. âHelp your child learn how to use empathy and recognize that the child doing the bullying may also be bullied by someone else. Or, they may have gone through something traumatic and this is their defense mechanism.â Remind your child that If they âdo unto others as you would have them do unto youâ and show kindness instead of anger, they can change a situation.
âBullying is never acceptable,â says Owens. âTalking to kids about bullying and helping them to deal with a bully can keep a challenging situation from worsening.â
October is National Bullying Prevention Month, a time to raise awareness about bullying and its prevention. For more information and resources, visit https://www.stopbullying.gov and https://www.pacer.org/bullying.
